K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize