i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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