I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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