You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize