I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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