I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
