So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"