i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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