I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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