sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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