i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
