Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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