I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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