I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
