i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
