I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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