'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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