Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
