and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
