you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
