he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
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I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
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Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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