Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one acquire holy water?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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