I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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