Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
