More tranny stories later!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
