God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
This is my gift to your gina
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
