I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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