The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
operation have a gay friend backfired
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Randomize
