My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Two words: nipple clamps
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