How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
