I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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