Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
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My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
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For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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