Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize