How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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