whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
false alarm. still invincible.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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