i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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