Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
