I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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