this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
