Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
