I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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