if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Text me some of your sweat
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
