i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
