And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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