kristin has been a bad kristin
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I could make wine with my vomit
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
