do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
