uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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