so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
