Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
