I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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