The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
This is the high leading the old right now
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
