the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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