Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
