Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
