i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
