just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
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you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
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I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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