i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
