Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
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